Things start to get exciting...

Louie and I slept in the parking lot of a Walmart located in Newport, TN. It was the closest Walmart to the smoky mountains that allowed overnight parking. I've slept in my car before, but not with company. With most of my belongings and camera gear plus Louie's luggage, my honda civic is at capacity. Packed like sardines I tell ya. The conversation we have does make up for the total lack of space, however it does not make sleeping with your legs on the dashboard and you ass inches from the car horn any more comfortable. Louie had felt the onset of a cold the other day so he picked up Nyquil. After writhing in the front seats for an hour in an attempt to find the most ergonomic position to sleep in, we decided to each take a swig of Nyquil to aid our slumbers.

After going in and out of consciousness between the hours of 6am and 9am we both finally awoke in a stupor. The car was foggier than a Turkish bath house. We opened the doors to find ourselves in the midst of a bustling shopping center parking lot, with very normal people conducting their business as usual. We must've looked like animals. We were wrapped in blankets, guzzling water bottles with the ferocity of football players all while dangling half way outside of the front doors of my civic for fresh air since our legs still hadn't awoken from a night of poor circulation. After about 5 mins of what probably looked like homeless yoga, we relieved ourselves in the woods, gargled some Listerine, and hit the road.

We were officially on our way into the Great Smoky Mountains. We made sure to visit an REI beforehand to ensure that we were prepared with the essentials. Now all we needed to do was get a good meal in us and some fuel for the car.

We stopped at a gas station with a small diner attached called "Mama's Kitchen". Louie scoped it out while I filled the car and he decided it was like a proper place to eat.

It was perfect. And by perfect I mean a big pancake, scrambled eggs, bacon, and unlimited coffee for $5. Louie and I scarfed down our meals while I simultaneously used the diners wifi to write the last blog post. After an hour and change we got up and started heading towards the center of the park.

Before we knew it we found ourselves wrapped in the dense flora of the park. The trees resembled skyscrapers wrapped in ivy, lush green towers on either side of the winding mountain road.

After about 20 miles, just as we started to forget about society altogether, bam! We entered Gatlinburg, TN. The tackiest looking tourist town I've ever seen. It was bone chilling. They had an indoor mini golf... Why anyone would travel into the GREAT SMOKY MOUNTAINS to play a game of indoor mini golf, i'll never understand. Lord have mercy.

The town of Gatlinburg is a crafty town. They know they are the only paved road that grants northern access to the national park. They put what felt like 400 stop lights on a 2 mile stretch road featuring a menagerie of Disneyland's rejected gift shops. There was a Ripley's Believe it Or Not museum next to a gun shop. I digress...

Once we reached the end of that level of hell we were actually on the road to the park. God was I ready to camp. Only another 15 miles or so until we'd be passing overlooks and trailheads.

.....

"Errrrr prup prup prup errrr." said Honda Civic.

"What the f**k??" said John.

We were chugging up the mountain at a decent pace when suddenly my car decided to go into arrest. The check engine light came on and my blood immediately started to boil. I just spent a boatload of money on repairs to make sure this wouldn't happen.

The car went from accelerating to what felt like it trying to stop moving altogether. As if I was trying to tow an elepant in 1st gear, the RPM would crank to 2,500 and the car would only creep up to a solid 5 mph. I was livid. "We have to turn around. We can't break down in the middle of the park." I made a u-turn on the steep hill and idled back down into that wretched pit of touristy hell.

While I puttered down the mountain with my flashers on I tried to think of every possible reason as to what could be wrong... Am I leaking fluid? Did a belt snap? Is the warp generator out of synch with the flux capacitor? What I'm getting at is that my knowledge of an automobile extends as far as the simple machines you learn about in 8th grade physics. This didn't help my anxiety.

I've tried to become as car handy as I can be without messing with any of the "important parts" within the engine. I can change oil, lights, tires, and other dumb stuff like that, but once lights start to flash on the dashboard I panic like a 90 year old man trying to answer a call on his new smartphone. "How do you use this damn thing? Curse technology!"

It was a Saturday at 2:30pm and there were no mechanics open until Monday. I had to figure out something. I called my old man, my forever go to for all questions mechanical. My dad listened to my interpretation of the cars troubles and he tried to think of what it might be. We went back and forth for a moment and we eventually left with the notion that we'd have no choice but to park the car at a motel and stay in this goofy tourist town until I could see an auto shop on Monday. I parked the car at the nearest gas station and attempted to curb my hurried NY temper as I asked the gas station attendant if I could get my car looked at. He proceeded to tell me that a shop in Pigeon Forge might be able to help but that was 14 miles uphill.... and it wouldn't be an option until Monday...

...shit.

As soon as I get back to my car my phone rings, it's my Dad.

"Try and loosen the gas cap."

I do just that and tada! The car returns to its usual labored churning sounds. DAD YOU GENIUS! It turns out that the seal on my gas cap was bad, so as I climb in elevation the air pressure changes within the tank and results in the car bugging out and going into a safety mode to preserve the engine. Well I was relieved for sure. All we had to do now was stop every couple hundred feet of elevation we climbed and let air out of the gas tank. Every time I did the tank would make a psst sound, kind of like a fart.

We climbed all the way to the stop of Clingman's Tower, the tallest point in TN. It was a beautiful view. Totally worth the headache i just endured with the car. After enjoying the view for a moment we proceeded to look for a place to start hiking and camping. It wasn't long before the puttering happened again. I pulled over, performed the gas cap ritual, and went to continue driving, however this time the problem persisted. Oh god, it's not working. That was the only thing I had going for me. If I couldn't fix the problem that way I didn't know what I could do, except now I was way to far from Galintburg to stay at a motel. Louie and I had to find a spot soon, the sun would be going down in a few hours, leaving us no time to hike in the backcountry for a campsite.

The view from Clingman's tower. The tallest point in TN.

Louie calls the NPS number to reserve a campsite at a family campground within the park closest to our current position. The woman on the line tells him that she isn't able to reserve him a spot at this time but if we go to the site we might get lucky. Well when we arrived at Smokemount campground I was told that someone just cancelled and that we can get 2 nights at the campground for $40 total. Sold.

Louie and I immediately set up camp and went for a short hike to blow off some steam. Afterwards we skated around the campground for a while. It was exactly what I needed to decompress after a few stressful hours.

DINNER TIME

Louie and I packed the car with food before we left, knowing that we'd be eating almost constantly the entire trip. We had beans, chili, chicken, canned veges, macaroni and cheese, and about 100 protein bars. We were starving at the end of the day and needed to cook something, so we decided we'd heat up the chili, corn, and canned chicken in the jetboil stove and mix it all together. Well once Louie opened the cans I came to another sad realization... The propane tank we had for our camping stove wasn't the right fit. We didn't have a means to cook.

We needed to eat or we'd fall to pieces. We needed to improvise.

First things first, we would need fire. We had no firewood and it was already pitch black out so this was going to be fun. Louie and I went out into the dark with a machete and proceeded to find worthy sticks for a campfire. Everything was rather damp but we had no other option. After gathering a small and soggy bundle of firewood, we brought it back to the site and I started prepping the fire. Using receipts and leaves as kindling I managed to stoke a small fire and keep it alive. Louie and I decided we would put the opened cans of food on top of the grill that was provided with the fire pit and cook them that way. Unorthodox? Maybe. Effective? You betcha.

Louie chefed together the canned chicken and chili and corn and it was ready to devour. That's when we realized our next food blunder... we forgot to bring eating utensils! For crying out loud...

Sharp tin can lids for spoons? Sure. We were going to eat somehow, and this did the trick.

Our trash fired chili paired very nicely with the bottle of cabernet that Louie had with him. It also paired well with the bourbon I had. I think alcohol was going to pair just fine with whatever we ate that night.

The evening ended with louie and I drunkenly staring up into space by the river. The starry skies yielded by wilderness treks are definitely one of my favorite parts about camping. After snapping a couple pictures, I think I got what I came for.

That was the end of our first night in the smokies. It was up and down for sure, but that made the chili and stars so much more worth it. This is only the beginning.